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Riley Smith

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I'm not deep I just think I am [28 Mar 2003|03:28am]
[ mood | complacent ]

::simple things::

I sit in silence for long periods of time and then surprise myself with the sound of my own voice.

I like to watch the smoke trail from the end of the cigarette hanging from my mouth, and watch as it drifts in a cloud to the ceiling.

I’ll pick a spot in the park and watch people, make up stories about them. Elaborate tales of their lives based on their outfits, what they are carrying, who they are with. It’s almost as good as a novel or a movie up on the big screen. Sometimes I have to resist the urge to follow them home to see if my version of their life is true. Not to worry, I’m not a stalker. People are interesting, they never stop surprising me. How quickly bonds are made and forgotten. How friendship and love, are so strong one second and forgotten the next. Most of the time I don’t think I want to understand, I’d probably be disappointed.

I like to make grilled cheese with white bread and Kraft slices.

I love the scent of Old Spice even if it is for middle aged, working class men.

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[26 Feb 2003|07:43pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Ingrid Bergman said "Happiness is good health and a bad memory."

I think she was right in the fact that we can't dwell on the things in the past that have happened to us. Good or bad it never helps to look back.

I was going to say a lot more but I think I'm going to go out for the night, make a few new memories to forget.

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[18 Feb 2003|12:24pm]
[ mood | good ]

It's been a while I did a dissapearing act and took some time to work a few things out. Ever have one of those periods of time where it all hits you? Everything at once and you feel like you can't breath it's so overwhelming. That was me.

I'm back and better then ever. So what did I miss?

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[27 Dec 2002|01:37pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Well that sucks.

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You're 2 years older than me. What the hell. [18 Dec 2002|12:11am]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

I'm sorry for cutting you off like that earlier... You make me nervous, and I believe I've said that before.

But anyway, It's your birthday and I'm a really lucky guy to be spending it with you. So Happy Birthday Christina, and I will try to make this day memorable for you.

I'll be bringing over some Candy Apples, I know how much you like them.

I really hope you like this - I thought the color looked like your eye color and you know how I feel about your eyes.

I will stop now. :-[ I'll see you later.

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[17 Dec 2002|12:29pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Yesterday, I brought Christina her present(s) for her birthday and for Christmas, but she isn't getting her Christmas present till Christmas so sorry, and too bad. ;) It's hard shopping for girls, since I am obviously not a girl. I managed to do it though. I hope she likes it. I'll be seeing her tomorrow.

Later on today, I'm going over to see piperperabo and teach her how to make smores. It's not that hard. But anyway, there's free food involved and I am there. We can probably watch some movies or something too.

I'm going to make something to eat now because I am starving. I'll be around later.

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[16 Dec 2002|06:46pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Girls are like apples on trees. The best one's are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think that there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. That is why we just have to be a little patient, because the right boy, the one who takes a chance to find that perfect apple, will come someday...

It made me think.

Edit: I knew someone was going to take it the wrong way. Please don't.

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[16 Dec 2002|01:13am]
[ mood | drained ]

I got to speak to Christina for a few tonight. She told me she was stressed and I wanted to know why. Her birthday is coming up and I asked her if she was doing anything and I expected her to say that she was having this huge ass party with a whole bunch of people and celebrities. But she told me she wasn't doing anything at all. I got the courage to ask her if she wanted to do something or hang out for her birthday and she said okay. So it looks like I'll be spending the day with her. I'm not complaining.

We continued to talk about other things... and she told me she was awful. Now... I don't really know her. But I really doubt she's awful at all. I asked her why she thinks that way and she said because she's really flirtacious. That doesn't mean your awful, it just means that you have really great self-esteem and you're not afraid to go after what you want. That's just how I think of it.

She also said that if she wasn't dating someone, she would date me. But I think she just said that to make me feel better. :-[

I'm going shopping tomorrow to buy her a present. She said that I didn't have to, but we know what that really means. ;) Plus, I wanted to get her something anyway. She deserves it.

I am really going to bed now. Goodnight.

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[15 Dec 2002|05:06pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

I fucking hate people sometimes. Alright... All the time. They get on my nerves. It doesn't take that much to piss me off, and when you do so, It can't be changed. I tend to hold grudges for a long time.

I think it's funny how people think they know all about me already. When they really don't. That's what pisses me off the most.

What is so wrong with talking to someone, wanting to get to know them? I don't see anything wrong with it. Jealousy? I think so.

I'm not going to say anymore. I'm just going to leave it at that and you can keep on talking about something you obviously know nothing about.

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[14 Dec 2002|03:26am]
[ mood | intimidated ]

So, I had some fun tonight. I got to speak to christina_a for awhile. She's cool. Not to mention she has a great mouth and nice eyes. I can't forget that ghetto booty of her either which looks great in chaps. Whenever I talk to someone I feel young. I'm only 20. :-[ So I am intimidated by them. But they're always really understanding. She said she's with this guy that she dates on and off. I think that's cool. Yeah.

I don't remember the last time I dated someone. Or went out on a date actually. Which is really sad. I've only really been with my ex girlfriend, We were together for about 5 years. But that didn't turn out so great. I guess we all have to move on though sometime...

Oh look at that. I don't feel like updating anymore. Bye.

HOL' UP... What is so wrong with wearing eye liner?

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[12 Dec 2002|04:34am]
[ mood | crappy ]

I wish things were easier.

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[03 Dec 2002|02:24am]
[ mood | groggy ]

Well, I am back in LA for good. Or atleast until I get called on again or something.

Sorry for my dissappearing, I've been really busy and haven't had much time to update or do anything of that sort. I don't think you guys care though.

I'm here though. And I think that's all that matters.

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[02 Nov 2002|08:34pm]
[ mood | moody ]

I guess that I'm still here.

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... [20 Oct 2002|02:43pm]
[ mood | jealous ]

Well. I'm in LA at the moment. It's good to be back home for a change. I don't have anything to do, and nobody's telling me when I have to be up to be somewhere. I just woke up not too long ago, I would of slept the whole day if I could of. I am feeling a little bit better. I've been getting rest. Tonight I'll probably go to a bar and drink until I pass out. I haven't done that in awhile.

This update was crap. I don't even feel like updating anymore.

Maybe later.

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"I don't love 'em I fuck 'em" [19 Oct 2002|12:25am]
[ mood | Emo ]

It would be stupid to say that I was thinking about my childhood and I'm still pretty much a child myself. But yes, I was. I was thinking about how my Mother got mad when I left High School to move to New York to model. She wanted me to finish, and she wanted me to go to college, and I just didn't listen to her. It was really hard, I was taking a risk. She told me that she wouldn't help me out if things didn't go well for me, but it was just something that I had to do. It did work out pretty well, I had to get use to living in such a big city. Mind you, I was only about 17, and I was on my own. I didn't speak to my Mother often because she was still mad at me. Not only until a couple of years ago is when she actually knew that I was only doing this because it was something that I really wanted to do, and she had to accept that fact, and also accept that I wasn't going to let anything stop me, not even her. I was really determined. But she knows that I love her. I mean without her I wouldn't be here right now.

...Shut up.

So I am still going to go see Benicio. Which is a good thing. Even if he didn't want to see me I was going to show up anyway because that's just the way I am. Ha. I really hope he's getting his rest. Looks who's talking... I should be getting my rest. But I really don't want to.

I think that I am starting to hate 'Hey ma' with a passion now. It's been in my head through out the day. It was my fault and I know it. I got Emmy to download it. She loves me.

I'm really horny and Emmy is drunk. Hmm.

Edit: Everyone is drunk.

You know you all love these lyrics.Collapse )

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[18 Oct 2002|11:09am]
[ mood | hungry ]

So Larisa didn't come here after all. I was a little upset a first, but her friend needed her and I can understand that. Plus, I am sick and I didn't want to get her sick because whatever I have, is really kicking my ass. I'll be back in LA on Monday, so we can possibly hang out then. I'm on vacation for 2 weeks. I don't know if Benicio still wants to meet up or not, because basically, I just messed up big time.

John, I just wanted to let you know that if you ever need to talk about anything, that I am always here for you. You know what she did to you wasn't right at all, and you did the right thing. Don't feel bad at all. Was she feeling bad when she slept and flirted with all those people? I don't think so. So you shouldn't be worrying about her. You should be worrying about yourself, and moving on. That's all I have to say about that.

I still haven't ate breakfast. So that's what I am about to do. I will most likely update later. This wasn't anything, but I just felt the need to update.

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[17 Oct 2002|12:40pm]
[ mood | sore ]

Everyone's updates today so far are just... dead and sad and gloomy.

What I wanted to really say is that this entry isn't going to be any different. Maybe a little.

People around here tend to think that I am consistantly flirting. I don't see the problem, but in a way, I could understand where you are coming from. I'm not with anyone, and it's not a problem. Nobody has told me it was a problem. What I do know is that maybe sometimes my flirting is taken in a different way to some people. And I am sorry. One person comes to mind when I think about it.

I'm going to take it down a notch. See how things go.

I'm picking Larisa up from the airport in a few, that's if she is still on her way.

I also don't want to give my hopes up, and i'm not insinuating anything.

Atleast not for now.

Elton John came back. Is that a good thing?

And why isn't 'Emo' a mood? I get pissed easily as if you couldn't tell.

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"They say watch what you ask for, Cause you might receive." [16 Oct 2002|10:08pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

Well, a lot of thoughts have been running through my mind today. Scattered thoughts. Some great ones, some not so really great. That feeling is coming back, the one where I want someone to call my own. I want something that is going to last for a very long time. I want to be able to hold them, to be able to look into their eyes and to know everything that they feel and feel it too. It hurts, because I've been through so much, I even thought I was in love at one point. I mean I was, I was very much in love. But sometimes things just don't go the way you planned.

I don't want to go through that again, I don't. This time I'm doing everything different. I'm taking my time.

I had a great conversation last night. It might not seem as great to them, or who knows, maybe it was. I enjoyed it, a lot. I really hope that we get to talk again, about whatever. Even though you confused me this time. Ha. We better, I'll come searching for you. So either way I win. They know who they are.


Tell me what is enough...Collapse )

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:-[ [16 Oct 2002|12:25am]
[ mood | :-[ ]

Today overall was a good day. I went to a concert with some friends, a classical one. Pretty nice. It gave me a lot of time to think about things, about my life and how I am living it. There are certain things that I would like to change... Okay, a lot of things that I would like to change. I'm just not completely happy with my life just yet. I don't know when I ever will be.

One of these days, I am kidnapping leann_rimes and we are hitting the clubs. I'm not letting her go home until we've been atleast to 3 of them by the time the night is over. I haven't been clubbing in a long time, so this should be good. :-[ Stop it!

larisa_oleynik will be meeting up with me on Thursday, and possibly Friday of next week Tomorrow! Be very jealous.

Once again I had a great conversation with deltoro he fucking reads my mind I think. And I like it. We talked about the last time we were both in love. I haven't really dated much. I'm only 20, and I have a long way ahead of me. But there was one time when I actually thought that I was in love. But it just seemed to be that I was the one holding onto something that was never there at all.

Shut up LeAnn is online and I don't feel like updating anymore. See you all in the morning.

Goodnight.

Edit: Wow. :-[

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[15 Oct 2002|07:03am]
Why am I up? Don't even ask.

Last night, I spent a long time talking to new people. I happen to meet a lot of great people last night actually, but one really caught my eye, so much, that I just couldn't stop talking... seeing as how, I know exactly how they are feeling. It was just good to talk about something with someone who understands. I'm not really the person to talk about stuff that bothers me, or that I have problems with. But it was pretty great.

I'm meeting up with Benicio next week, when I get back home. This is the first time in a long time that I am actually looking foward to going home.

I feel kind of crappy today, It's pretty cold, and I think I even caught myself a cold. I'll deal.

When they have 'intrigued' as a mood, I'll fucking come back.
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